The Diaries of Elphaba and Glinda
by Ash M. Knight
Summary: Journal entries. Femlash. Elphaba/Glinda.


My dearest Diary,

Hello! I've had such a wonderful day. You'd hardly believe it. That Fiyero sure is a trouble maker! He told me I was the prettiest thing in all of OZ. And of course, I couldn't help but believe him! He's oh so charming! But that Elphaba... she's always full of silly doubts.

Just today, she told me he wasn't worth my time! "You deserve someone with brains!" she says! What am I to do with her? She's so negative. Maybe she just needs bonding time with someone with a more... optimistic attitude.

I guess I'll have to ask her to help me with my homework or something! Otherwise I'd never get her attention!

Gleefully yours, as always,

Glinda

Dear journal,

Glinda asked me to help her on her homework today... but when we went outside to study... she kept giggling and playing with my hair. She smells like... like flowers. She was so close to me and I just couldn't focus, and she wasn't even trying. She makes me so angry! All she wanted to do was "pretty-ify me" and talk about that stupid Fiyero.

Part of me really just wants to help her pass her classes, and the other part of me wants to scream at her and pull out her pretty blonde hair! I mean... her pretty long hair. Her LONG BLONDE HAIR. I didn't mean to say pretty. That's just what everyone else says. I don't even see it! What's so good about her anyway? Her smooth, soft skin... her bright shimmering eyes... the way her voice gets low and soft when she's especially tired...

What am I saying? I loathe her.

Going to bed,

Elphabpa

P.S. I wish she'd stop calling me Elphie!

GOOD MORNING DIARY!

Elphie let me do her makeup and hair last night! She looked so beautiful. I'll admit it. I do have talent! So much of it I can hardly stand it. We were up until FOUR in the morning! I never thought I'd have so much fun with a girl like her. She's so booky, Diary, that I never really know what to do with her. It's so hard to relate sometimes.

But I guess we had a really good talk. I can't say I remember that much of it. I had a bit to drink, I suppose. But what's the harm? We weren't doing schoolwork or anything anyway. Besides, it's the weekend, and what's wrong with having a little fun? I must have had a lot, though... I woke up with her next to me. There was a plastic bucket on the floor and a damp wash cloth in her hand, which was resting next to my hand.

She fusses a lot when she sleeps, and it's awfully silly to watch. I was almost tempted to call a few friends in to have a good laugh at her expense. But I'm surely not that cruel. It was sweet of her to care for me like she did. It's a good thing I didn't actually throw up! Unless she cleaned the bowl after and brought it back... Maybe I shouldn't drink so much, since I can hardly remember.

Oh, well. At least I don't do it all the time, right? She's still asleep now. I didn't have the heart to wake her or take the cloth away. I never really knew how sweet she was until now. Her skin is almost enchanting, as the light hits it. I hope she won't hate me for being such a burden when she wakes up.

Feeling worried,

Glinda

My dear journal,

She's infuriating! I'm nearly ready to run off and live in a hollowed out tree at this point! I can't stand her. She got so drunk last night! I was so worried and self conscious about the silly makeover she gave me that I hardly was watching and thought she was drinking water! Vodka is the devil, that's all I can say! I looked beautiful by the end of the night, but she was a wreck. She kept giggling, like she always does, only it was worse this time!

How can I put up with this? Just when I thought she was tolerable, she starts throwing up on me! I got a bowl and let her puke into that. She passed out pretty fast when I got up to rinse the bowl. When I sat down next to her to wipe her mouth, she...

I can hardly bring myself to talk about this. It's difficult. But if I can confide in anyone or anything, it's you, journal. Glinda's sleepy fingers twitched around my hand and pulled me close. I didn't want to wake her, so I simply let her hold my fingers gently, sleepily, and ended up falling asleep next to her on the bed.

And then... when I woke up... I... She... She had rolled over, her soft, pale forehead resting against my dark, disgusting arm. I wanted to move her away so as not to contaminate her... Sky above... I'm such a mistake! Poor Glinda, rooming with a freak like me! Poor me, for being stuck with a stupid girl like her!

Her hand fell on my stomach when she rolled over, and I had to move it. She almost woke up, which nearly gave me a heart attack, but she didn't. I fell back asleep beside her for fear that moving too much would wake her up for real that time. This morning, she was more cheerful than ever! She even apologized for being in such a state around me and thanked me for taking care of her.

Still... she infuriates me. How can anyone be so careless?

Angrily,

Elphaba

Again, to my journal,

She did it again. It was late, and she stumbled in from her date with Fiyero. She was crying. I suppose he must have really upset her, because I couldn't even understand what she was saying through the sobs! I could kill her. And that stupid boy! Her heart was beating so fast, and her chest was heaving so strongly that I thought I'd have to call for help.

In any case, drunk as a fool, she sobbed in my arms. Why do girls drink when they could be studying, anyhow? Stupid boys! Oh, how I hate them! Except father, of course... At least Nessa doesn't drink - or so I believe at this point in time, anyway. But back to get back to Glinda... she was really a mess, blubbering and howling all over the place!

She fell asleep resting against me... I wish she wouldn't touch me so much. And then... then, something terrible happened. She woke up. And then... that stupid girl leaned in and pressed her lips to mine, mumbling, "Oh, Elphie. You're so good to me." I thought I was going to throw up! But she beat me to it. Luckily, I saw it coming and held the bowl up for her. She fell asleep again beside me, where she is now, and I doubt she'll say anything about it tomorrow. If I'm lucky, she won't even remember, and we'll never have to talk about it.

Sincerely troubled,

Elphaba

Dearest Diary of mine,

Oh, I am in trouble now! I found myself in another position of... vulnerability last night. That Fiyero sure does love to watch me drink! Poor Elphie... I kissed her! In the middle of the night, too. It was dark, but I could feel her smooth, soft locks against my shoulder. It tickled me and made me shiver... I moved closer and... Oh, Diary!

Her lips are so soft and smooth! You'd never think... But OH! Her lips! Those deliciously moist, warm, sweet lips... What have I done? She's going to hate me forever and ever and ever... And heaven forbid if she tells! I'll be ruined! Right now, all I can seem to think about is her, though. I hardly care if even Fiyero finds out! I wonder how disgusted with me she must be... She hasn't said a word...

Does she think I don't remember? Should I try to forget? Could I, even?

Desperately in need of some guidance,

Glinda

Journal,

My life has officially ended. I dreamed of her last night. I dreamed of her sugary blonde locks and sickening sweet smile. I dreamed of her lips on mine, her hands on mine, her body on mine... Oh, the shame! If Nessa ever found out... Oh, she'd kill me! Though, I think she'd be happy to know I've come around about Glinda. I feel as if I'll fall through the stone floors right now and fall right into the Devil's lap! I'm going to hell, journal... I hope I can bring you with me, for I have no other form of release.

The dream was terrible... Terrible and wonderful. I can hardly hold my hand still to scribble this and the weak early morning light! The dream is so vivid... like it was real. She came in late... stumbled, crying... But she was sober. Sober, and upset. "I'm sorry, Elphie," she sobbed. "I don't know what happened. Please... Please forgive me..." I told her to stop crying, and that it was all right, and that I knew it was just a drunken accident, but she only sobbed harder.

Her hands touched mine and she fell to her soft little knees in front of me, beside the bed. "Elphie, no... No..." I couldn't believe my ears, but she stood and kissed me, long and soft. My hands shook - just like now! - and she nervously - yes, Glinda the Great! NERVOUS! - lowered herself onto my lap. "Say you forgive me," she half sobbed, half begged. I blurted out a stupid "I do" and found her lips on mine once more.

I could hardly see her, since it was pitch black in the room, the only light coming from the moon out of the tiny bedroom window. But... she moved closer, her small, slender body sliding up over mine. Her hands slid over my body and she kissed me eagerly until I kissed back. The passion boiled until even I was desperately pulling her closer for more...

We just kept touching, and kissing and... and holding... and... Her whimpers... Her sighs... They were all so real. My heart is beating faster than lightning cracks the sky. Just thinking about it... Oh, journal... how can I dream such things? Even I moaned softly in the dream, in response to her tiny fingers and little cries of "Elphie, Elphie..." Not high pitched and desperate, like hers, but... shocked, and... and... Oh, Gods! She's laying next to me, asleep... How will I ever bring myself to look at her in the morning? Heaven forgive me...

Weakening to quiet sobbing,

Elphie

My dearest diary whom I trust with my life!

Even you won't believe what's happened! Elphie's not awake yet, and I'm scrambling to get this down! Oh, Heaven, I must be crazy! Oh, DIARY! Last night... I came home late... and I jsut felt so terribly... I apologized... It was so dark, and she said she forgave me...

Oh, I'm so stupid! I kissed her, the fool that I am. Something kept pulling, tugging, jerking... begging me to move closer to her. I can't resist. She has a power over me so strong and sobering it throws me into the hottest, most burning fire of ecstasy I'm sure to ever feel.

Oh, Diary... My dearest friend... How can I say this? Is this even me?

We made love.

Yes... It's so shameful. How could I do such a thing to her? But now, laying beside her, all I can do is pinch myself to keep my hands away. Her skin is crying, screaming, BEGGING me to touch it! I can't help myself... I'm so afraid... so hungry for more of her. My whole world is crashing down. I haven't even showered or put on make-up yet! I can't even bring myself to run away from here until she has time to cool down.

If she didn't hate me before, she certainly will now! Oh, how could I?

She breathes in and out, softly, her brown furrowed... like she's being hit, hurt... I want to help her. I want to hold her and tell her it's all going to be all right. I want to tell her what I know now... What no one else knows. What I should have seen before. That's she's wonderful, just how she is. Beautiful, perfect... I wouldn't change a thing! Not even her skin. I wish I could find the words to tell her... The guts, even. I've neither.

I'm too stunned to speak or move. I made love to her... to Elphie... to my roomate! to my best friend.

To my very best friend...

And now I won't have one. She'll be out of this room within minutes of waking, and then, once she tells, I'll have no one. That hardly even bothers me now, so Diary, you must know that I'm changed! Forever... for GOOD!

My pen is throwing up my words before I can stop it. I'll never love another. I'll never love anyone but Elphie... never in all my days. Not in all my long or short or glorious or condemned life. Send me to Hades! Only let me keep my memories with me, so that I will always know the taste of her skin, the bliss of her touch, and the ecstasy of our lovemaking. Heaven, Gods... whoever is Up There! Wherever you send me... wherever I am to be punished for this greatest of sins... let me never forget her.

No matter what happens, let me never, ever forget Miss Elphaba Thropp.

From my truest self,

Glinda


End file.
